Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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