He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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