we made out on top of his cat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
