Where is the hickey?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize