Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
