i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
is it fun? or sober?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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