Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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