What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
