she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
