I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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