My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
