So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
