Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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