If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
