yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
