I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
