I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
