I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
