He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
