508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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