Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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