he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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