totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
