Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
