just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
