Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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