6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
