she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
