If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
