I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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