when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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