can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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