So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
