I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
