found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
