i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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