I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
