where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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