you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
