You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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