If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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