did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
