Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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