They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
