Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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