I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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