I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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