she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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