Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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