Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
