The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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