the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's blow job season.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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