I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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