he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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