it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
