I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iām missing out on because of the virus
I instituted āquarantine and chillā months ago. Itās not like penises go soft just because theyāre working at home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! Iām the best!
Randomize
